Chirstmas List From A Toddler::::
Dearest Santa: For Christmas, I would like the following:

1. This Laptop Cord-
I want this laptop cord more than I have ever wanted anything. Please. I also want the power strip with the orange on/off button and the white label on the other cord pictured (the one not connected to the laptop). I would be ok with just a bunch of electrical cords in general, but I would really love these specific ones that are located behind my mother’s desk next to the air-conditioner (whose cord I also want).

2. This Wall Mount Entertainment Center-
I have no idea why my mother does not want me to play with this thing, as it is obviously a child’s toy. I would like one for my room.

3. House Keys-
I would love a set of house keys. To eat, obviously. Only metal house keys will do. Please do not buy me plastic ones. I am not an idiot. I know that plastic house keys are not real keys.

4. Everybody’s Eyeglasses-
I pull these off the face of every person I meet, only to have them pried from my fingers and reclaimed by their original owners. I would love a pair of my own. Again, these are going to be for eating.

5. The Contents of The Bathroom Trash-
I would love for the contents of this thing to be emptied out onto the floor- particularly things like used, wet cotton balls and discarded pieces of floss. If you would like to just take the contents of this bin and transfer it directly into my stocking, that would also be fine.

6. The Hole in the Hallway Floorboard-
Such a strange existential dilemma. I spend hours looking at this hole and poking at it with my fingers. I know that I cannot “have” a hole, as a hole is not a thing that can be had. A hole is an absence. And yet this is supposed to be a list of the things I want, and I want this hole in the hardwood floor the way Gandhi wanted peace. The way the dog wants to lick my face. The way my mother wants me to stop pulling off her eyeglasses.

7. Bobby Pins-
These are my favorite! If I had a nickel for every bobby pin I found on the floor I’d have double the number of little metal things I could put in my mouth because, go figure, I also totally love nickels.